Lady Gaga Sues Madonna, Ace of Base for Plagiarism. " 'La Isla Bonita and 'Don't Turn Around' Sound Exactly Like Alejandro!

Lady Gaga Sues Madonna, Ace of Base for Plagiarism. " 'La Isla Bonita and 'Don't Turn Around' Sound Exactly Like Alejandro!'

Popular recording artist Lady Gaga, voted 'Most Respected Artist of The Decade' by AutoTune Afficionado magazine, is suing some of the biggest names in music, but for good reason.

They are stealing Gaga's records.

The suit filed in Federal Court today cites two records -- Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" and the Ace of Base track "Don't Turn Around"-- calling them "derivative at best and, more accurately, carbon copies of 'Alejandro', in terms of style, sound, and vapidity of lyrics."

Lady Gaga commented on the suit: "They rerecorded 'Alejandro' and called it 'Don't Turn Around.' And Madonna stole parts of it for 'La Isla Bonita'."

"I'm so glad there are a few different interpretations of my song, that was the idea," rambled Gaga. "Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger. The use of my song by heroes of mine is a compliment of the highest order, but it's about my struggles. Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broke, but you can always see the crack in that mother... (EDITORS NOTE: This answer went on for ten f--king minutes, and Gaga didn't say a damned thing that made sense. Let's fast forward to --) ...from Polaroid and Virgin Mobile, as long as they pay me! Like Madonna and Ace of Base: The bitches need to pay me."

Lawyers for Madonna and Ace Of Base have made preliminary arguments in their defense, regarding some bullsh-t time-line mumbo-jumbo that they will rely on heavily at trial:

"Jesus Christ, does everyone have Gaga-Blinders on?" asked an attorney for Ace of Base, who clearly doesn't love Gaga as much as he should. "Tina Turner recorded 'Don't Turn Around' in 1985, Lady Gaga was born in 1986. What did she do, write it on her mother's uterus?"

Lady Gaga responded: "Well, we need to sue Tina Turner as well."

Dolphins Are Rubber-necking A--holes, Just Like Humans

Dolphin researchers are interested in reviewing footage taken of a dolphin leaping out of its holding cell during a July 4 marine show at Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium, in southwestern Japan.

But not for the reason you'd think.

"People think we want to review it because the dolphin leapt from the tank," said Richard Queso of the "Equality Action Team: Dolphins" research facility. "The 30' dolphin is kept in a chlorinated pool the size of a Sea Monkeys aquarium. Of course he tried to leave! What we are interested in is the behavior exhibited by the other dolphins."

Indeed, moments after the dolphin jumped out of the tank, all of the other dolphins swam over and watched the goings-on for about a minute.

Queso, the founder of "EAT: Dolphins", believes that the rubber-necking dolphins exhibit human-level intelligence, and human-level boorishness.

"It is disappointing," continued Queso. "When those dolphins swam over to check on their tankmate, I thought they were there to check on his status, or to stand in solidarity with him."

"Instead, they just pointed and stared," continued EAT: Dolphins spokesperson Dave Rader. "One dolphin took out his Blackberry and began filming the rescue. The show came to a complete stop because these dolphins were rubber-necking."

Hideshi Teruya, who manages the dolphin section of Churaumi, said the dolphin suffered minor scratches and bruises on its head and fin but was fine, and had a healthy appetite for mackerel and squid almost as soon as it was returned to a tank.

"It was playing around and jumped out by accident from the momentum,*" he told The Associated Press.

Teruya acknowledged that dolphins --each of which weigh about as much as a bus-- sometimes spring out and so he has placed padding as thick as a yoga mat around the tanks to prevent serious injury.

Because that should help.

"Dolphins are used to roaming for many miles a day, not swimming in a circle and doing flips at shows," says Rader, who used to teach dolphins to swim in a circle and do flips at shows. "I am disappointed to see that dolphins exhibit the same bad behavior as humans, by rubbernecking when a fellow dolphin may be injured."


"If they become any more human, they'll start enslaving other animals for their own amusement."


PS: I've seen this footage. Trying to say this dolphin was playing around and jumped out by accident is like saying that the terrorists were just trying to improve air travel to the World Trade Center. That f--king dolphin was trying either trying to make a run for it, or he wanted to die. There was no playing going on.

Burger King Rolls Out New Sandwich: The BK 10:30.

Burger King Rolls Out New Sandwich: The BK 10:30.

Burger King, America's #2 Sh-t Food restaurant, announced that they are adding a "transitional" sandwich to their menu: The BK 10:30.

The BK 10:30 is a breakfast Croissan'wich that is, er . . . sandwiched between the two beefy patties of a Double Whopper.

"It can only be ordered around 10:30 in the morning," said HRH King, the creepy BK mascot. "That's when we are switching over from breakfast to lunch."

Burger King expects to sell about 100,000 a week nationwide, which is 99,980 more that the BK Veggie Burgers, which tastes like a cow's a--hole with mustard.

"The 'sandwich,' which has 4,400 calories and 420 grams of trans fat, face some opposition from the New Jersey Attorney General, who plans to arrest any BK employee that serves a BK 10:30.

"That is an myocardial infarction waiting to infarct," said the Attorney General. "Selling that is like selling a loaded revolver. Fat people will be dying by the unmarked-graveload."

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie --also stuffed with beefy patties-- has other ideas.

"The BK 10:30 (nom) is now (nom, nom) the official State (nom, munch) sandwich of New (*farts*_ Jersey," we think he said.

Casey Anthony FOUND! Location Confirmed By ABC News.

Luckiest-defendant-ever Casey Anthony, who walked out of prison free to kill children anywhere in the United States, has been found after a grueling 2-day search.

ABC News has confirmed that Casey was found in a wooded area, just 15 houses away from her parents' home in F--kysister, Florida. She had last been seen with her nanny, Jose Baez, who failed to report her missing.

"I am a bit surprised that she was found there," said police officials. "I think we already looked around there. But, you know, we aren't exactly going to win any awards for being able to find missing people in woods. We're, like, 0-for-25, at least."

(Eventually) following up on an anonymous tip phoned it from a meter reader, Anthony was found.

"It's good to know that the authorities know where she is now," said one resident. "Now I can let my kids out to play."

Why is Casey Anthony Going Free Today?

The greatest lawyers see things in black and white. They know that shades of grey exist, the just can't be bothered with 'em. They know that emotion exists, but they have a hard time divining them for themselves.

They are the ones that, at trial, say "F--k emotion, you are duty-bound to set emotion aside and employ LOGIC. Exclusively."

The most effective legal practitioners say, "Do you FEEL that this person is (insert undesired verdict here)? Because, if you don't, you must find for my client."

And that is why Casey's leaving jail today.

Michfest "We Are About Peace, Love, Healing and Understan... HEY!!! GET THE FUCK OUT TRANSGENDERED, NO ONE WANTS YOU IN HERE!!!!!

If you walk like a bigot, and quack like a bigot, and involve yourself with bigoted people, places and things, then you must be bigoted.

Hang your heads in shame.

From a brilliant column on http://transadvocate.com: (http://transadvocate.com/beckygrrl/?p=35)
Michfest: The Bigotry Continues

Any woman who might even think of calling herself a feminist knows that a bio-determinist policy, such as the “womyn born womyn” policy, which has been symbolically softened from refusal of admittance to transwomen to being willing to sell transwomen tickets to enter but still officially banning transsexual women, is an antiquated anathema to feminism’s most basic tenets.

It continues to amaze me how some women attendees and performers both, seem perfectly comfortable playing both sides (of) the fence, saying they’re against the WBW policy but are still willing to support the event with their participation. From my perspective, when I hear women talking about how positive and how freeing Michfest is, I feel roughly about the same as if I were listening to people talking about what a wonderful time they had at the last KKK Barbecue. And yes, before you ask, it is comparable.

...

You cannot attend or perform at Michfest and claim you support transpeople any more than you can attend that KKK BBQ and claim you support African-Americans. It’s only when people stand up and refuse to tacitly endorse hate with their participation in such events that real change finally occurs.

This is New York City(TM): July 13-26

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