When Lawyers Try To Manipulate God's Law...

When Lawyers Try To Manipulate God's Law...

Genesis 3

1Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?

2And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:

3But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.

4And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

5For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

6And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

7And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

8And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.

9And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

10And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.

11And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

12And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

13And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

14And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

15And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

17And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

18Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;

19In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

20And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.

21Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

22And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

23Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.

24So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

Th3 H0ly B1bl3: Facebook's New Version of KJV Bible, with Emoticons

For God \VVV/ so loved :-* the world, that he gave his only begotten
— John 3:16 (KingZuckerberg Version)

It had to happen, I guess: There'll be an announcement this week that Facebook Press will be releasing what they call "Th3 H0ly B1bl3 for the 21st century, with emoticons."

"It'll be, like, super-easy to, like, follow and stuff because, like, it won't have all the, like, stupid Shakespearey world and stuff," said Google's VP Of Creative Christianity, 17-year-old Morgan Forster.

Story Developing.




Thanks, Nick, for thde idea.

Why Fellating Strangers For Money Is Often A Bad Idea.

You know, you do what you have to do to get by, but how about a thank you, or a slap on the ass and an 'atta boy", or something, you know, because what I do for money is one thing, but, ya know, I have feelings, too, so, you know, this one guy, I'll call him "My doctor", he said, "There's something for you on the dresser," and I'm like, "OK, thanks," and he's like, "That's it? 'Thanks'? Maybe you need to look and see how much is there first," so I went over and I'm like, "Yup, thanks," and he's like, "That's $150.00, ya know," and I'm all, "Yes, I can count," so he walks over and picks the money up, so I told him, "You're not funny, put the money back," and he says, "Why should I? You don't even appreciate it," and so I coughed a little... er... remnant of his deposit back up and said,"See, that's why. By the way, can you stop eating asparagus, because, YUCK," and he walks and says, "F--k you," and raises his hand, so, of course I keep a 3", 5-shot Taurus in my sock, so I pulled it out and said," look, we're not playing the f--k around anymore, so put the money down and get the f--k out," and you can tell he was scared, so he goes, "F--k you, you f--king whore," and I swear to God, I just snapped, and all I saw was red, so I pulled the hammer back and pointed the weapon at his gongulator and said. "It's time to leave," and he f--king spit at me and said, "whatever, whore," which just made me feel terrible, because, ya know, Im not happy about doing this for money, and I'm not proud of it, but I've got mouths to feed, so I do what I have to.

ve to.

Thousands Pass Foster Homes, Childrens Hospitals to Protest Casey Anthony Sentencing.

Dear a--hole protesters:

How many Foster homes and youth services facilities and pediatric oncological hospitals did you pass driving to the Courthouse to get your stupid ”No Justice For Caylee" sign on Court TV????

How about working to prevent the NEXT Caylee?

On August 9th, Caylee Anthony would have turned 6.

On September 13th, the little girl who made me a daddy turns 6. She's the tallest in her class, and so healthy. She loves soccer and cheerleading. She likes Lady Gaga and Rihanna. She roots for the Yankees.

If she lived nearby, she'd be starting first grade with Miel.

And she will never, ever, EVER have the chance to experience that. Ever.

Casey Anthony: "Now The Search For The Real Killers Begins."

Now that Casey Anthony has been vindicated, persecuted for a murder someone else committed, she has vowed to find the real killers.

"Now that I have gotten away with this," said Casey, rocking her brand new, 'Not Guilty And Need Penis' pink-cami-tee. "I have enlisted the help of Jesus, Ivan Drago from Rocky III and Iron Man to begin my search for the real killer."

Caylee: "Mommy Killed Me. Why Is She Free?"

Murdered two-year-old Caylee Anthony, who was killed by her now-acquitted mother Casey Anthony, held a press conference via a medium, wishing to ask a few questions about today's verdict.

"What the f--k is wrong with you people," said Caylee, who remains amazed that her mother finds this whole thing funny. "Hey, jurors, do you want my mommy to babysit for you? SHE'S GOT A LOT OF FREE TIME!"