Caylee: "Mommy Killed Me. Why Is She Free?"

Murdered two-year-old Caylee Anthony, who was killed by her now-acquitted mother Casey Anthony, held a press conference via a medium, wishing to ask a few questions about today's verdict.

"What the f--k is wrong with you people," said Caylee, who remains amazed that her mother finds this whole thing funny. "Hey, jurors, do you want my mommy to babysit for you? SHE'S GOT A LOT OF FREE TIME!"

Dear Flabby: My Mother Lied During My Murder Trial...

Dear Flabby:

I am a 20-something former mother of 1. I am on trial for murder, and while I kinda love my mother, she really screwed up my trial.

My mother took the stand during my trial, and lied about searching for certain poisons on her computer. (It really was me who did it."

The trouble is, if she claimed to be Santa Claus, it would've been more believable. Now I am afraid that her lie is going to get me convicted.

What do I do, Dear Flabby? My life is on the line.

Signed,
F--ked In Florida.

Dear F--ked:

My intuition is that the jury is going to recognize your mother's actions as a noble, but misguided attempt to save you.

What will get you convicted is the fact that you killed your daughter and left her to rot in your trunk for a f--king month, you monster.

A greater concern is how it is gonna feel when you're strapped into the electric chair. Spark up, bitch.

Thanks for writing,
FLABBY.