"Cancer or Four Bars, Billy? You Decide." Study of Kids Whose Moms Lived near Cell-Phone towers During Pregnancy Released.

There has been a shocking find from a multi-year study of children whose mothers lived close to a cell phone tower while pregnant, and health insurers, personal injury attorneys and telecom giants are scrabmling to decipher the results and exploit them however possible.

Between World Cup failures

, British "scienticians" studied 1,397 cancer cases in children up to age 4 from 1999 to 2001 in the United Kingdom. The results were shocking.

In 5,588 cases, children whose mothers bunked under a cell phone tower were no more likely to have cancer. They were 97% more likely, however, to have a signal strength of 4 or more bars.

In an Adjunct study, of the 2,001 children whose moms lived near Branson-Mobile UK cell towers, not one child got cancer. The same study, paid for by the Branson Virgin-Health Corporation, showed that 37% of moms near Yodafone towers were irradiated to the point of DNA mutation, and 14% of moms were hit by lethal bolts of lightning emanating from the Verizon towers.

Interestingly. the same study found that every kid near T-Mobile towers got cancer.

(UPDATE: I read that wrong. What I thought was "cancer" actually read "locked into a crappy contract." My humblest apologies.)

By the way, the NHS, flawlessly executing their appointed tasks, f-cked up the national birth registry that mis-identified cancer patients as "Onset of Puberty Delayed By External Factors." This revelation could have ruined the results of the study, but, as one researcher put it, "I can't risk my academic grant just cuz the National Health cocked up the data, then."

The Libretto W100 Dual Screen PC: The Answer To A Question Nobody Asked.

Toshiba Unleashes the Product That Will Make You Forget About iPad! Toshiba Unleashes the Product That Will Make You Forget About iPad!

The New Libretto W100 from Toshiba answers a question that Netbooks answered two years ago: How do we get the unwashed masses to buy Ultra-Mobile PCs (UMPCs), the computers that marry processing speed considered blazing in 2003 with an LCD screen the size of a check engine light?

Toshiba believes it has the answer in the Libretto, their new Hybrid mini-notebook / e-reader. And it does have some interesting numbers behind it.

2 - Dual touchscreens: When held vertically, users will be able to page through both displays, like holding a really expensive, glass-paged copy of The Armageddon Script by Peter LeMesurier. When held horizontally, the lower screen serves as a keyboard and the upper screen as the display monitor. Neat!

7 - All Librettos, including the ready-to-be-used-and-then-forsaken Gary Coleman Signature Model, run a full copy of Windows 7 (formerly Windows ME v.2010)

5 - Has built-in Bluetooth 5, which is 4 more gooder than Bluetooth 1.

802.11n - Stealing neighbors' bandwidth so your cable company doesn't shut off your DSL for downloading DVD rips of seasons 1-21 of The Simpsons has never been easier, with the built in 802.11n antenna.

4,724 - How many of these $1100 glorified Nintendo DSs will be available, used, on eBay in 6 months.

Toshiba's Director of Post-Release Apologies, Nicole Smith, was giddy about their little invention: "The Netbook and UMPC market is very exciting now. And, frankly, we feel that the only competition that is out there is from Apple, as well as Acer, Panasonic, Samsung, Sharp Corporation, Philips, Hitachi, Pioneer, ST Microelectronics, Sony, JVC, Thomson SA, Hewlett-Packard, Mitsubishi Electronic, Daikin, IBM / Lenovo, LG-Philips, Dell, GE, Siemens, Fabrik, Compaq, Xerox and Apex.

"Remember when we said that the Gigabeat will make you forget about the iPod? Or when we said that HD DVD will make you forget about Blu-Ray? Well, um. . . Stare at this watch . . . you are getting sleepy. . . sleepier . . . You've never heard of the iPad . . . Sleepier. . . "

"So, buy a Libretto; it's not what you want, but at least it's more expensive."

Transformers Video Game: Just as Sh-tty as the Movies.

Rented the videogame based on Transformers Bark at the Moon, or whatever the hell the third movie is called, and it was... interesting.

A bunch of explosions without any just cause for same, distracting weaponry and fightscenes that look like two junk cars in a gigantic blender, rather than pugilism between 20-foot-tall alien robots. So, yeah, exactly like the Michael Bay movies.

Line up, Homos: Michelle Bachmann's Husband Can FIX You.

Dear Homos:

Your lives needn't be endless hours of juicy, sweaty ass-play followed by the stark realization that your spooge-drenched soul is destined to burn in Hell. The republicans are here to save you.

You're fucking welcome.

From Pinknews.co.uk.

US Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann’s husband ‘tried to cure gays’

by Jessica Geen

The husband of Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann has been accused of trying to cure gay people.

Her husband of more than 30 years, Marcus Bachmann, a Christian counselling therapist, has denied practising ‘reparative therapy’, which aims to turn gays straight, but several witnesses say the clinic tried to ‘cure’ them.

Andrew Ramirez said that in 2004, as a teenager, he was sent to the clinic by his parents. “[A Bachmann employee] basically said being gay was not an acceptable lifestyle in God’s eyes,” he recalled.

Reports of ‘gay cure’ therapy at Bachmann & Associates first surfaced in 2005.

Now, gay group Truth Wins Out says it sent an undercover member to the clinic in late June. John Becker says he was told that everyone is heterosexual but some people have “challenges”.

He said: “Based on my experiences at Bachmann & Associates, there can no longer be any doubt that Marcus Bachmann’s state- and federally-funded clinic endorses and practices reparative therapy aimed at changing a gay person’s sexual orientation, despite the fact that such ‘therapy’ is widely discredited by the scientific and medical communities.”

A recording has also emerged of Mr Bachmann calling gays “barbarians … who need to be educated, need to be disciplined”.

Mr Bachmann has been widely mocked on gay blogs and websites for having a “gay voice”.

Mrs Bachmann, who was ‘glittered’ by gay rights campaigners recently for her opposition to gay marriage, has just signed a controversial pledge that opposes gay marriage and says that black children were more likely to grow up in stable families in slavery than they are in today’s America.

The politician has a long track record of anti-gay remarks, including claiming that gay people suffer “sexual dysfunction” and “personal enslavement”. She has also claimed that gays are “specifically targeting our children”

READ YOUR BIBLE!!! STUDY HIS WORD!!

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."
Leviticus 18:22 King James Version (KJV)

"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."
Ezekiel 23:20, KJV.

"But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?"
2 Kings 18:27, (KJV)

When Lawyers Try To Manipulate God's Law...

When Lawyers Try To Manipulate God's Law...

Genesis 3

1Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?

2And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:

3But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.

4And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

5For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

6And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

7And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

8And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.

9And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

10And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.

11And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

12And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

13And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

14And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

15And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

17And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

18Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;

19In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

20And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.

21Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

22And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

23Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.

24So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

Th3 H0ly B1bl3: Facebook's New Version of KJV Bible, with Emoticons

For God \VVV/ so loved :-* the world, that he gave his only begotten
— John 3:16 (KingZuckerberg Version)

It had to happen, I guess: There'll be an announcement this week that Facebook Press will be releasing what they call "Th3 H0ly B1bl3 for the 21st century, with emoticons."

"It'll be, like, super-easy to, like, follow and stuff because, like, it won't have all the, like, stupid Shakespearey world and stuff," said Google's VP Of Creative Christianity, 17-year-old Morgan Forster.

Story Developing.




Thanks, Nick, for thde idea.

Why Fellating Strangers For Money Is Often A Bad Idea.

You know, you do what you have to do to get by, but how about a thank you, or a slap on the ass and an 'atta boy", or something, you know, because what I do for money is one thing, but, ya know, I have feelings, too, so, you know, this one guy, I'll call him "My doctor", he said, "There's something for you on the dresser," and I'm like, "OK, thanks," and he's like, "That's it? 'Thanks'? Maybe you need to look and see how much is there first," so I went over and I'm like, "Yup, thanks," and he's like, "That's $150.00, ya know," and I'm all, "Yes, I can count," so he walks over and picks the money up, so I told him, "You're not funny, put the money back," and he says, "Why should I? You don't even appreciate it," and so I coughed a little... er... remnant of his deposit back up and said,"See, that's why. By the way, can you stop eating asparagus, because, YUCK," and he walks and says, "F--k you," and raises his hand, so, of course I keep a 3", 5-shot Taurus in my sock, so I pulled it out and said," look, we're not playing the f--k around anymore, so put the money down and get the f--k out," and you can tell he was scared, so he goes, "F--k you, you f--king whore," and I swear to God, I just snapped, and all I saw was red, so I pulled the hammer back and pointed the weapon at his gongulator and said. "It's time to leave," and he f--king spit at me and said, "whatever, whore," which just made me feel terrible, because, ya know, Im not happy about doing this for money, and I'm not proud of it, but I've got mouths to feed, so I do what I have to.

ve to.