Thursday, June 23, 2011

John Mayer Cancels Tour Due to Terrible Case of Suck


Immature Kiss and Tell narcissist and perpetual douchebag John Mayer has canceled several shows in Europe due to illness, according to a posting on his Web site, Guess-who-Im-nailing-now.org

Mayer is returning home to the United States, where he will be treated for his suckiness.

Suck, first identified in 70s crooner Tony Orlando, as suffered by most of the artists on Warner Records, can not be cured. "He can Suck less, under a doctor's supervision," Said Dr. Martens, Chief of Doucheology at Harvard Hospital. "But he will never stop Sucking completely."

Earlier this week, Mayer played a sold out show in Copenhagen, but has cancelled his second performance in the city.

The message on Mayer's web site: "Regrettably, Mr. Mayer's Sucking has caused his remaining European shows scheduled through this week to be cancelled as well as in Amsterdam, Madrid and Manchester," says the message. "Ticket holders should apply for refund from point of purchase."

John hopes that his Suckiness will not delay his upcoming U.S. dates.

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